On a Night of Autumn Rain

My love,

if the skies fell too dark for you to see

I'd climb the stars and shine the moon

to bring you back to me.

Because the wind blows hard

through my curtains tonight

bringing sorrow with storms

in all that I long to be.

Dreams are my only escape

where distance finds defeat

where your arms are still in reach

and my lips give silent pleas.

If only for tonight

kiss me fierce and tight,

never let me be.

For when the morning turns to light

and the storms have passed away

I beg the day, “Return to night.

In his arms, my love's set free.”  

Carousel

"Carousel"

You curled your hair

and polished your lips

with hope of things to come

and took your place in line.

Paid the man a dime,

lifted your skirt carefully above the dusty steps

and gingerly picked your pony.

Seated high upon a jewel encrusted horse

you tell yourself the time has finally come,

this is the moment you are seen.

But baby this ain't your carousel,

you've fallen once again

for the plastic stones and glued-on smiles

of an equestrian centrifuge

separating the beautiful.... from you.

The cream rises up to lips you long to kiss

and once again, you find the bottom filled

with the residue of your dreams.

And yet, like a fool, you remain.

It's just a plastic horse,

a ride around a useless axis

where you cling to cheap leather reigns

as if at any moment you might break free

and land in the arms of the love you long await.

Girl it's such a shame

how you long to change your name

and move out to the city where life is still the same.

This ain't your carousel

and if you don't get off,

you'll get dizzy from the noise of reality spinning around you.

Beneath your sleeves of lace

you make a tally mark for every face

of every man who ever said he loved you.

And like a fool, you paint your nails

hold your head up high

and blush your cheeks to hide disgrace

as you pay the man again.

One more dime,

one more time.

True love still awaits.

One more round,

your fate is found

you swear it's not too late.

Honey, just step down;

you're a one trick pony

in a one horse town

and those shoes won't take you anywhere

except circles 'round your heart.

But you adjust your dress

and smooth your hair

a you turn your eyes from me.

And as the music starts

I hear you whisper,

“Someday, a Lady I'll be.”  

28 Cups of Coffee

They met at a train station
57 years ago next Tuesday.
He was the love of her life
from the moment she saw him across the room
and she was flustered with excitement
at the mere prospect of even saying hello.

Three hundred and fourteen letters,
twenty-seven packages
15 photographs and two tours later
He returned from the war.
She was there at the station,
too flustered to say hello.

He handed her a small package,
and with a haggard look on his face
he left.
without a word.

She opened the box and realized
when he signed the papers for
"God, Corps, and Country"...
there was no room left for her.

Days turned into weeks,
months turned seasons over
like rocks in a garden
and winter gave way to spring and new life.

Her mother told her she was foolish;
No woman in her right mind needed
twenty-eight coffee cups
and no classy lady of society
woudl dare put up with a man who
so thoughtlessly tossed her aside.

But she kept them packed tightly
in her hope chest,
landmarks of where her lover had been.
Proof that in each country,
]during each battle and in each foxhole,
he was thinking of her.

They were supposed to be his and hers cups,
one for each of them when they finally started a life together.
But life came and went
and the cups remained as empty as her life.

She drank tea in the summer,
coco in the fall,
coffee in the winter,
and in the spring... just kinda just cried.

Her mother passed away
still drawing breath from beyond the grave
to tell her
how nobody needs 28 coffee cups.
But as the years dragged on,
she learned not to care


They met fifty-seven years ago next Tuesday.
At least, that's what Frank, my boss said when
he asked me to clean out Miss Covington's room.
I was still new at the retirement home
so I was in charge of boxing up items
for residents who had no families.
The boxes were usually dropped off
at thrift store donation centers.

After packing up the bedding and meager belongings of this woman,
I opened her kitchenette doors
and began to cry.
I told my boss I'd pay whatever price he asked
for Miss Covington's coffee cup collection.
With a raised eyebrow, Frank muttered
something about ain't nobody got needs for
28 coffee cups, but whatever suits your fancy."

I definitely wasn't in need of that many cups
but what I couldn't tell Frank was that...
at my previous residence home there was a man named Jack.
Crazy Jack, they used to call him.
One of the unfortunate ones after the war.
He used to bring two matching coffee cups
to every Sunday dinner.
Said he was waitin' on someone
but couldn't remember why...
or who.

Nevertheless,
Every Sunday he'd fill the two cups.
In the summer, it was tea.
In the fall, coco,
in the winter, coffee.
And in the spring, he'd sit upstairs
in his room for hours
counting and polishing his 30 coffee cups.
waiting for some mystery woman to join him.
The night he died was a Sunday.
Three months ago next week.
He left his coffee cups at the dinner table
and told me to take them,
and fill them with someone I love.

The Road Less Traveled

Oh my love, the things I wanted to tell you
as the wind blew through your hair.
The thoughts, the feelings,
for a moment, time stood still.

And I took the road less traveled.

Every time I kissed your lips,
every time you whispered secrets in my ear
I longed to hold them tightly in my heart
locked away for safe keeping

And I took the road less traveled

You placed your hopes in my heart,
your dreams in my eyes
and your life in my hands

and for a moment,
I took the road less traveled.

But you my love,
Oh my love,
you are the road less traveled.

Men dare not tread too far
lest they be caught in the thorns and shadows.
You my love were the lightning flashes
in a world of unending storms
You saw everything so bright
in spite of darkness.
But it was darkness nonetheless
and it's a path not many travel.

My footsteps went further than others
but it's time that I go home
You see, my love, I want you,
but I don't want you for my own.

I want you to still see the brightness
in the wake of my regrets
the dreams between the nightmares
the life around of death.

My love I loved to love you
and I leave my regrets with you
all the things I never said
and the things I failed to do
Every kiss that I withheld
Every promise left on the table
every "maybe tomorrow"
or "not right now"
that filled your heart with sorrow.

I can never undo the past
and the future now I fear
but if I cross your mind
I hope you count wishes on stars
instead of the drops of your tears.

My love you gave it all,
you placed it in my hands
you held nothing back
and let faith take command.

But fate be damned and you be cursed
for this is where it ends.
oh my love, I'm sorry love,
this is where it ends.

I can't take the road less traveled
I can't take away your thorns
Your world is eternal darkness
your path is hard and worn.

I wish there were another
to come and take my place
tomorrow my regret
will be the loss of your embrace.
But oh my love
when the storms pass through
never forget that I once loved you
the winds will blow the storm will rage
and cut you through and through
but as you lay there dying
remember, I once loved you.

A Lesson in Etymology

"There's a common misconception" he says,
"that words have meaning.
It's actually the other way around.
We have meaning in life, and put it into words."
She thinks hard on what he says as the words ring heavy in her ears.
Everything she was ever told has been a lie.

The systems, the protocols, the way gravity pulls her down
but dreams pull her back up.

Meanings have words.

This explains hurt.
This explains anger.
This explains ...love.

That thing in the pit of your stomach,
the one you can't find any words for,
there's a reason.
It didn't come with pre-determined limitations.
There is no capacity for anger.
There is no capacity for hurt.
There is no capacity for love.
We can measure letters and words and books
but at the root of it all, it's what you feel.

And now, she feels empty.
Because everything was a lie.
"Listen Allie, you can't let it getcha down now" he says.
What does he know?
Etymology, psychology, logicality, practicality
but FEELING!
Emotive looks between two people is not something you can compromise.
It's not something for which you can set parameters.
It just.... is.
Like her.
Like life.
Suddenly, her feet can't pick themselves up off the ground.
And for the first time, it has nothing to do with gravity.

Like the Third Satellite of Jupiter

He watches her like Galileo,

studying her orbit

breathing in her stardust 

as though she were the very beginning of all human existence. 

I watch him,  

A Galilean idol of my heliocentric universe.

My every though revolves around the way he holds his breath when he is sad.

And yet, I am nothing more than a sunspot on his horizon. 

A temporary solar flare

unnoticed offerings of passionate love

dissipating in the black hole of his peripheral.

He studies her

like the phases of Venus; 

waiting for her to come full circle and shine upon his face

never noticing that the shadow cast upon her

is the residual effect of his eyes passing through me on a street. 

It's not that I couldn't live without him

but when searches the skies for her 

relentlessly

When he mourns the loss of even her most uncaring way

I can't help but choke on the reality that He is my Sky

and I am but an endless ocean
full of his heartbroken tears.

Open Letter to the New Year

Dear 2013,
I never said goodbye because I never gave you a proper hello. I suppose your resentment was evident enough but for what it's worth, I thought about you from time to time.
Instead of actually getting to know each other it was more like a bad one-night stand that left us awkwardly bumping into each other at discount grocery stores throughout the whoel year. Never knowing if we shoudl say hello because we never said goodbye.

There's so much I could say but I don't believe in living in the past so I hope you have some better life in a parallel universe or that Father Time puts you out of your misery.

As for you, 2014, I hate to be cynical but right now I'm really not in the mood for fake hugs and shallow salutations so lets just make a pact right now to be honest with each other and keep the drama to a minimum. I'm tired of a lot of things and like a rookie president after a two-term disaster, you might get blamed for things that happened before you stepped out on the red carpet. For that, I apologize in advance.

Again, it's nothing personal, I just... need some time. You're the new kid on the block and after 2013, I'm not inclined to trust as easily as I normally would. So, let's start out as friends and see where the next twelver months take us.

xo

Allie