Midnight Confessions

Fine, I admit it.
I didn't by earth-friendly toilet bowl cleaner.

I've struggled with this decision for two days now and here's the thing: if I'm going to be dealing with germs in the most vile and disgusting fixture in my house, I want the germs dead... not smelling like organic coconut and tea tree oil. Yes, I'm sure it is better for Mother Nature but it doesn't kill germs. And it's not like I'm bleaching everything in my house or using only harsh chemicals to clean. I use oxyclean and grew up on simple green to the point that the smell of it instantly causes flashbacks to Southern California in the mid-eighties.

I grew up in a family that valued recycling, we crushed eggshells and mixed them with coffee grounds and used it to fertilize plants. I've been good for nearly 28 years. My mom raised me well.
But she also said bleach is the only thing that really kills germs and well, this is pretty much the most important seat in the house to keep clean. I spent 45 minutes on the phone with my mom a few months back while she googled the main ingredients as I tried to determine which eco-conscious dishwasher detergent I should buy and it had been 2 year since I'd even run OUT of dishwasher soap. I'm not flippant about natural resources.

Sometimes I can't sleep at night because I know people around the world aren't recycling.
I called my best friend en route to Hawai'i to ask her if it was wrong of me to buy a 50-bag box of trash bags or a 45-bag box at the same price, but made from 65% post-consumer products. In the end, I realized five bags was being selfish and I went with the recycled ones... and then had a lovely conversation with a fairly cute boy who was looking for eco-friendly paper towels and we had a brief but pleasant chat about how the recycled brand toilet paper was potentially not really as good as it seemed because it was 1-ply and therefore would probably be used up faster by the average American and thus, buying the 24 pack of MD that was on sale might not be recycled materials but you would use less than the other one.

I have the weirdest conversations with strangers.
I discussed my toilet cleaning dilemma with my grocery checker (whose line I wind up in every time for the last 3+ years... she's awesome)
and she said I should focus more on the fact that I was buying trash bags for the first time in THREE years. I told her I'd been surviving off a 90-bag supply that my friends (the previous tenants) had left behind but they had already been using the supply for a few months before I moved in. She said I should still be proud of myself because that meant I was recycling enough that I didn't need to take out as much trash.

Even still, I felt bad about the cleaner so I crunched a few numbers on the trash side and figured, say there were 80 bags when I moved in. Over three years, that averages out to filling approximately 2.2 trash bags per month. Which is really about as often as I take out my trash. Not because I am lazy, but because it generally takes that long to fill it. And I don't take out the trash if the bag is only half full.

So I suppose on judgement day, God might be able to overlook the fact that I had a germ-free toilet and show grace and mercy upon my other attempts to keep his planet clean.
besides, isn't cleanliness supposed to be next to godliness? ;)

I made acorn squash tonight and when only a thin rind was left I felt bad about throwing it away and once again wished I had some sort of compost container. They might have one at the University up the street. You know, I just realized at this very moment that I live immediately across from the University's recycling center.

I wonder if that subconsciously adds to my concern. lol

These are the thoughts that keep me up at night...