Words of Wisdom

I got an email fwd joke from a friend last week and he said, "you can't win a fight with God!"

I've been fighting with God for a little over a year now and I think we're in a stalemate. Not because God can't win, but maybe because I won't stop fighting long enough to allow myself to lose.

I want to believe, but all that keeps going through my mind is
"Who the HELL am I and why on EARTH would God want to use ME?????"

And the only answer that keeps coming back is
"why not?"

But I can't figure out where that second voice is coming from. I mean, it makes so much sense and yet, no sense at all. Since I was a child, I've told God and everyone on earth that I wanted to change the world. He's GIVING me that chance and I'm too stupid to move forward because I keep waiting for some long-haired hippie in a white robe to jump out and say "PSYCHE!!!"

It's the only feeling on earth more frustrating than being in love.... ;)

I have no doubt that I could build water wells in Africa or harvest crops in Haiti. I have no doubt I could teach children in the ghettos or use my art to change people's lives. And yet, at the mere though of approaching "God's People" and saying "He created me for a purpose and I can really make a big difference if you could just listen to me for five minutes"

I completely withdraw into myself and admit defeat. Because I don't read Greek. I don't know 57 original root Hebrew words for the word "love." I couldn't point to Galilee on a map if the fate of the entire world depended on it and I'm still too scared to read the book of Revelation.

But the problem is, even if I could do all that... I still don't think they would listen.

I am the daughter of Moses.
God have mercy on my soul...