1. A sure sign you've gone overboard on your "casserole" skills: when you have a full an hearty meal and you haven't even added the cheese or pasta yet.
2. Hardware stores are fabulous places to hang out... but there's no way in hell a girl can buy sealant materials for redoing her bathroom without everything sounding obscene and causing her to burst into giggles.
3. Having a feminist mm definitely sets you apart from a huge majority of girls in the universe. Mainly, you can't lose patience with someone who doesn't know how to do home repairs, fix a flat tire, change spark plugs and make a casserole to feed 8 with only three ingredients and five spices.
4. Chives. No idea what the hell they're for but they don't make a noticeable difference when added to food. However, people tend to think you an exotic cook when you say things like "yeah... I just added a dash of chives for good measure."
5. I have it on good authority that "Democrats are all going to hell" and apparently it's listed in Leviticus. When I pointed out that Jesus himself was a Liberal, this seemed to not make too much of a difference in the other person's logic. LOL
6. Sometimes people surprise you. Sometimes they knock you FLAT on your ass when they pick dandelions and have them waiting for you at work. It brings out a a glaringly obvious point that I am entirely hypocritical in holding people very near and dear to my heart but somehow assuming 98% of the world does not hold me in the same regard. This seems to be the most confusing thought torturing me all day... why on EARTH would someone just randomly bring me flowers? Logic and Stupidity have been yelling at each other in my head all day. Stupidity has some hilarious points in its rebuttal.
7. Randomly receiving flowers is a nice salve to the sting of a bleary Monday morning that kicks you in the shins and reminds you how unhappy you are in a job that is not in your calling, not in your passion, not in your skill set and not what you used to do for a living. It hurts to know a job exists from I used to leave and cry every day that God would love me enough to do something I loved so very much and at which, I made such an incredible difference. But maybe dandelions are his way of saying I haven't been rendered totally useless yet.
8. I really really really REALLY miss working in television. It was only three days of work but I feel like my best friend just moved out of town and I won't see them for another ten years.
9. For as little effort as I put forth, I make a damn good casserole. (guess who's bowl is empty.)
10. My birthday is 11 days from tomorrow. For the first time in my life, I'm not excited about it. In fact, I've made plans to leave town on my birthday and spend it with the small group of friends whom I consider to be family, since my family is all at least 1,500 miles away. It's not a fear of getting old. I just want to disappear from everyone in this town for a while. I feel like an ant beneath a magnifying glass and I'm tired of everyone watching and waiting for me to burst into flames.
11. I miss home. I miss the effing SUN that comes out more than once every six freaking months. I miss being able to put on sunglasses, feel my skin bake in the afternoon heat and hang out at the river. I miss my friends. I miss people who "knew me when." I miss the friends I used to perform on stage with. I miss working for shitty wages at the biggest little radio station in the middle of the desert. I miss all the stupid rabbits that I had to fight not to run over on the college campus at night. I miss the smell of alfalfa and corn when the crops were ready for harvest. I miss sitting on the back porch and hearing the marching band practicing at the high school. I miss going to the country fair and knowing every single person who walked through the gates. I miss being no more than 2 miles from all of my best friends' houses. I miss the black sky thunderstorms and lighting that threatened to strike us all dead. And yet, I know if I moved back, nothing would still be the same...
I hate these grey skies. They are all-consuming in their misery. And yet I keep telling myself there's still hope for this city of subdued excitement. There has to be... I'm not prepared to die here. I was talking to a friend of mine today and he said the same thing he always says when I feel this way:
"it's not your fault. You're born to do other, better things."
He always says I'm destined for things bigger than this city. Bigger than any of us can imagine. I keep waiting for him to be right.
Until then, I suppose I'll have to settle for making really good casseroles.
*sigh*
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