On Turning 28...

Saturday was my birthday.
I'm officially 2 years from turning 30.

If there's only two things I've learned in the last 48 hours it's this:

1. I never expected to love or be loved as deeply as I am by people who have been pivotal flagstones during the most important times of my life. Years only add depth, not distance. At some point, I guess I just assumed love faded into complacent appreciation. I am loved by default. And then you find yourself having a 3am slumber party on someone else's couch and you realize that you are far more than you ever thought yourself capable to be. Not because of any particular achievement, but because you catch a look in someone's eyes and realize that "default" has never been in anyone's vocabulary but your own. And in that moment, I became Judy Collins. I really don't know love at all. But I know it is out there. I know how to give it out en masse. That was the easiest lesson in life. But no one ever taught me how to receive. Maybe it was expected that I would know. I thought I did. Like a Phoenix, I am just barely beginning to emerge from the ashes. Life has never been so unexpected.

2. It seems as though I live up to my fullest potential when I am completely honest. Unfortunately, honesty comes with the price of vulnerability. However, vulnerability is the fastest road to trust. This holy trinity of "becoming" is something I've long tried to fight off. It didn't occur to me until today but, I seem to be the most successful in life when I open my mouth and have no idea what to say. The hardest challenge now comes in trying to pull the nails out of dreams I long ago crucified in fear of stealing a fate not created for me. Like Jana Stanfield said, "What if we're all meant to be what we secretly dream?"
What if unfathomable dreams have been trapped in clenched hands for so long that I could no longer feel them struggling to escape.
The nigh insurmountable act of faith comes in two small words: letting go.
I got a new book for my birthday in which the author said her life began at 28.
Reading that page sent a chill down my spine.
it seems there are prophets among the shadows.

Speak to me, for I am listening...